This is the transcript for the episode "Director of the Day Part 2", written by William Leonard.


(The episode starts in Squidward's house. A person is pointing a microphone at him.)

Narrator: Welcome back to the Day Two of Bikini Bottom's annual Director Day festival! Today's director is Squidward Tentacles! What film will you make, Squidward?

Squidward: It'll be about art! The thing I love the most! I am so happy that this is my chance to become famous!

Narrator: Okay. And what exactly is art, Squidward?

Squidward: Well that's easy! Art is--(SpongeBob pops up from behind the screen)

SpongeBob: -- the product or process of deliberately arranging items in a way that influences and affects one or more of the senses, emotions, and intellect.

Squidward(angry):Grrrrrrrr...AGH!(kicks SpongeBob off screen and breathes heavily)Scratch the part about me being happy.

(Scene cuts to nighttime. Squidward is sitting at a typewriter, writing the script.)

Squidward: This movie is going to be great under my beautiful genius!

(detailed close up of Squidward with all the spots and wrinkles shows. A woman screams off-screen.)

Squidward: Yes sir this will be fabulous!(continues writing. SpongeBob suddenly knocks at the door)Sigh, happy time's over.(walks up to the door and opens it)

SpongeBob: Hey Squidward--

Squidward:(holds up a tentacle)Not now SpongeBob, I'm very busy.

SpongeBob: But I-- (Squidward slams the door closed.) Sigh.

Squidward:(sits back at the typewriter)Humph. Stupid sponge. Can't he see I am trying to work??(starts writing again. Night turns to day. Squidward is still writing and his eyes are all bloodshot.)

(SpongeBob knocks again. Squidward's face is twisted in anger as he opens the door.)

SpongeBob: But you see--

Squidward: I SAID DON'T BUG ME!!! (slams the door once again and locks it)Grrr... I can't have that sponge ruining my shot at glory and fame! I know what! Time to relax with a nice bubble bath!

(Squidward walks into the bathroom, where a bubble bath is already there. He takes off his shirt and settles into it.)

Squidward: Ahhh... this is the life. No worries, no annoyance, and best of all, no--(SpongeBob knocks on the door once again)...SpongeBob. (puts his head through the open window) SpongeBob!!! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY! IF YOUR SQUARE BUTT ISN'T AT LEAST 20 FEET FROM ME BY THE TIME I COUNT TO THREE--

SpongeBob: Squidward, please! This is very important!! Please listen to me!

Squidward: Sigh, fine then. What. Is. IT.

SpongeBob:(face twists into a goofy expression)Hi.

Squidward: AAAAAAUUUUUGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! (jumps out of the bathroom window, still naked, and starts wrecking the film equipment that is outside. After a minute or so, he stops, breathing heavily, with every single camera and microphone destroyed.)


Patrick: Hey look! I found something!

(everyone crowds behind Patrick to see what he found, which is a small pebble sitting next to a big, '00s-style camcorder.)

Fish: Hey look! He's found a camcorder! (takes the camcorder and holds it in the air. Everyone is delighted and SpongeBob turns it on. Meanwhile Patrick is confused.)

Patrick: Cam-what? (picks up the pebble and looks under it)

SpongeBob: Here you go Squidward. You can start being the director now. Sorry I bugged you.

Squidward: Shut up. (looks at the camcorder) Well I guess now that my sanity has miraculously come back, let's start.

Everyone: YAY!!!!!!!

Squidward: I'll just turn this thing on... (presses a red button and the camera starts filming. Squidward realises that the camcorder, being ten years old, is of very bad quality.) What-- this camera's garbage! For my film to be successful, I need the state-of-the-art, not the WASTE-of-the-art!

SpongeBob: Well at least it's better than nothing. And those cameras were from the 90s anyway.(everyone laughs)

Squidward: I don't get it.(laughter stops) But I guess you're right.(scene pans out slowly showing them having fun)

American Narrator: And they all had fun ever after.(screen fades to black) The En--

SpongeBob: Wait a minute! We haven't shown the movie yet! Roll the clip!

(screen shows a quickly made papier-mache statue of Squidward with a larger nose and a bigger head)

Squidward(offscreen): Art is the product or process of, uh, delibralety* what was that again, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob(offscreen): Art is the product or process of deliberately arranging items in a way that influences and affects one or more of the senses, emotions, and intellect.

Squidward: Thank you.(scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick wearing caveman costumes and writing on the mouth of a cave) Art has existed since the dawn of man, and has been with us ever since. The End.


  • Mis-spelling intended.


I'd like you to take the time to write here what you thought about my episode. It'll help me figure out what I did wrong with it so I can make better ones in the future. Also can you please give me a rank based on the quality of my work here (the ranks can be found at User blog:William Leonard/Ranks on this Wiki, or NOT?)? I'd like to find out. :-)~William

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