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This article is rated Bert. |
| Memory Chipped Better Days episode | |
|---|---|
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| Season | 2 |
| Episode | 2 |
| Original Air date | November 14, 2018 |
| Production Code | 2ABD02 |
| Story by | FireMatch |
| Written by | FireMatch |
| Directed by | FireMatch |
| Assistant Director | Purple133 |
| Produced by | Ianthenicedsguy SBCA |
| Supervising Producer(s) | Purple133 Rocky Lobster |
| Showrunner(s) | TheJasbre202 & FireMatch |
| Critical Grade | TBA |
Memory Chipped is the second episode of the second season of Better Days, and the 15th overall.
Plot
Betty loses her glasses once again, so Mr. Krabs and Shicowa make sure she never loses anything again… by implanting a memory chip into her head.
Transcript
Act I
[Episode begins with an exterior shot of the Retirement Complex, cut to an interior shot of Betty’s room. She is seen searching for her glasses.]
BETTY: No… no… nope… nada… how did I misplace those glasses anyhow?
[Mr. Krabs walks into Betty’s room.]
KRABS: Need help there?
BETTY: Nope. I just lost my glasses again, that’s all.
KRABS: Seriously, Betty? That’s the fifth time this week!
BETTY: [Apologetically] It’s part of being old.
KRABS: I’m older than you, yet I still remember when I got me first dollar in great detail.
BETTY: I forgot what color a dollar was.
KRABS: [Sighs] They’re green, Betty.
BETTY: Oh.
KRABS: My point is, there’s no excuse in forgetting your glasses every goddamn day.
BETTY: Well, sorry. I can’t help it.
KRABS: Trust me, you can.
BETTY: How?
KRABS: [scratching his head] I dunno, you could get some medication, maybe? Hmm?
BETTY: There’s a medication for forgettin’? (five second pause) I forget, is there?
[Mr. Krabs facepalms]
[Cut to Muriel, at a coffee shop, alone at a table with a cup of coffee]
MURIEL: [sighs] I wish I could have a mate. It seems like everyone in town has one. Even Walter had one at one point, but his overdosing caused that divorce. Maybe I should start looking for one.
[She approaches a random tall man]
MURIEL: Hey sexy, can I touch your nip-
[She gets slapped right across the face, leaving a huge red mark]
MAN: Weirdo! Go pick on someone your own size!
MURIEL: Alright, fine!
[She exits the coffee shop with her coffee, and heads back to the retirement home]
MURIEL: Maybe that wasn’t the best idea. [Thinks for a moment] I got it, I’ll work out! Men like that, don’t they?
[We fade to black, end of Act I.]
Act II
[3 Seconds pass. Fade from black beginning Act II, we cut to a shot of Shicowa snoring loudly on his couch. Mr. Krabs enters his room and wakes him up by shaking him]
SHICOWA: Uhh… is that you, Pringles?
KRABS: What the heck is a Pringles?
SHICOWA: Never mind.
KRABS: Anyway, Betty lost her glasses again.
SHICOWA: Again? Seriously, Betty? [shouts towards Betty’s room] Quit forgettin’ everything, you old hag!
BETTY: [in her room, voice muffled] I’m not an old bag! I’m a lady!
SHICOWA: Whatever. Geez, she was the smart one around here for the past few months, and now she’s dumb again. Is this some vicious cycle of hers?
KRABS: I dunno. You’re asking the guy who never heard of Pringles.
SHICOWA: Either way, we need to do something about her forgetfulness.
KRABS: [in an exaggerated voice] But how?
SHICOWA: [in an exaggerated Squidward voice] We need some wheels.
KRABS: Don’t worry, I got just the thing.
SHICOWA: Medication?
KRABS: Hell, no. You want her to end up like Walter?
SHICOWA: [shudders] Anything but that.
KRABS: Then what shall we do?
SHICOWA: I dunno. Maybe, umm… implant a chip into her head?
KRABS: That’s genius!
SHICOWA: Yeah! Let’s do it!
[Cut to Muriel in her room watching an exercise video]
EXERCISE MAN: Now let’s work on those legs! With some push-ups!
MURIEL: Oh, god.
EXERCISE MAN: Let’s go! Down.
[Muriel attempts to do a push-up, but falls to the floor]
EXERCISE MAN: One. Down. Two. Down. Thre-
[Muriel turns off her TV]
MURIEL: [panting] I can’t do this. I need to find another way to get a mate. [thinks for a moment] I know, I’ll use Fin-der!
[She gets on her phone and gets the app]
MURIEL: Time to create my profile. Hehehe.
[She goes onto Giggle and looks up “sexy girls” on the image search, and finds the one she wants to use]
MURIEL: Catfishing is great.
[Time Card: Two hours of catfishing later]
MURIEL: [gasps] I have 300 matches already! Goddamn! I guess I gotta find the guy I like best.
[Time Card: One hour of swiping later]
MURIEL: I think I got carpal tunnel now. But it’s definitely worth it. I found the love of my life. [swoons] Brady.
[Notification sound plays]
MURIEL: He’s texting me! He’s actually texting me! I gotta respond.
ON MURIEL’S PHONE:
BRADY: hey baby, whats up?
MURIEL: nm u?
BRADY: nm. We should meet sometime
MURIEL: ye. Where tho
BRADY: the coffee shop
MURIEL: kk
IN REALITY:
MURIEL: Does he even know where I live? Oh yeah, I forgot I put it in my bio. I’m so damn excited! This is the peak of my life!
[Cut to Shicowa at “Chips ‘R Us, Plus a Bunch of Other Computer Crap” [yes, those exist around here] to buy a memory chip]
SHICOWA (at the front desk): Do you guys happen to have any memory chips?
CHIP STORE CLERK: Of course. We have plenty.
SHICOWA: Good.
CHIP STORE CLERK (holds out a memory chip): That’ll be five dollars.
SHICOWA: That’s cheap. (pulls out the cash) Here you go, ma’am.
CHIP STORE CLERK: Thank you for your service.
SHICOWA: I’m not a war veteran, but you’re welcome either way.
(Cut to Shicowa back in the retirement home)
KRABS: You got the chip?
SHICOWA: Right here.
KRABS: Okay, then. Now we just have to somehow get it inside her head.
SHICOWA: Relax, Eugene. I have a lot of experience with operating on people.
KRABS: If you say so.
SHICOWA: Just let me do my thing.
(Shicowa tiptoes into Betty’s room, where she is snoring very loudly. He grabs a scalpel, and the scene shows Mr. Krabs gagging as Shicowa opens her up and implants the chip into her brain. Shicowa walks out of the room.)
SHICOWA: A job well done.
(Mr. Krabs sprints toward Betty’s bathroom and throws up in the toilet)
KRABS: Anyway, what now?
SHICOWA: All we have to do now is wait.
[End of Act 2]
Act III
[Beginning of Act 3]
[Muriel is at the coffee shop, waiting for Bradley to show up]
ON MURIEL’S PHONE:
MURIEL: where u at
BRADY: im at the coffee shop
MURIEL: i dont see u anywhere
BRADY: i dont see u either
MURIEL: take a pic
BRADY: [sends image of random guy taking a selfie]
MURIEL: u sure thats u
BRADY: positive
MURIEL: liar show me what you really look like
BRADY: fine
BRADY: [sends image of him giving the middle finger]
MURIEL: screw you we’re over
BRADY: you’re just some old hag anyway
MURIEL: no u
BACK TO REALITY:
MURIEL: [lays her head down on the table she’s sitting at, tears streaming onto the table]
[Maja walks into the coffee shop and sees Muriel crying]
MAJA: Muriel, are you okay?
MURIEL: Not at all. Brady just broke up with me.
MAJA: Lemme guess, Fin-der?
MURIEL: Yeah.
MAJA: Never trust people on Fin-der, you know. Crap like that happens on a daily basis.
MURIEL: You and Adam have a loving relationship. What’s it like?
MAJA: It’s not as good as you may think. Yeah, it’s great to have a partner, but they can have some serious flaws in them.
MURIEL: Oh.
MAJA: Some people find it best to be single.
MURIEL: I guess.
(Three hours later, Betty wakes up. When she stands up, she feels strange)
BETTY: My brain feels weird. Something’s up with me. Oh, well. I’m old anyway, so I might as well deal with it. Wait a minute. What did Mark say 457 days earlier at 12:05 pm? *gasps* He said that I was a… retard! I gotta get revenge on him!
[She enters Shicowa’s room and slaps him right in the face]
SHICOWA: Ow! What was that for?
BETTY: For calling me a retard 457 days earlier at 12:05 pm.
SHICOWA: How the hell did you know that?
BETTY: I dunno.
SHICOWA: Hold on a second. (Sprays stuff all over Betty, making her pass out)
(Shicowa once again opens up her head, making Mr. Krabs unconsciously go into Betty’s bathroom and puke again)
SHICOWA: Whoa. I didn’t know how old her brain was. There’s literally cobwebs in this brain! I think I know how to cure alzheimer’s once and for all. I’m gonna be famous. I’m gonna change the world! (closes her brain, making Betty conscious again)
KRABS: Yeah, yeah. Whatever, Mark-o.
SHICOWA: No, really. I gotta submit this. I’m gonna be filthy rich! Woo-hoo!
KRABS: How can old people be geniuses anyway? They’re too fat and slow and… fat.
BETTY: [suddenly becoming overweight] Say what now?
KRABS: Nothing, nothing. Anyway, you can’t change the world, Mark. Shicowa: Yes I can, dumbass! [runs over to the post office to send a letter] I’m gonna be stinkin’ rich!
KRABS: This won’t end well.
BETTY: Yeah. He called me fat! (eats celery) [Cut to Muriel on her laptop]
MURIEL: I’m gonna find out where that jerk is hiding, then I’m gonna get my revenge.
[She types stuff on the laptop]
MURIEL: Found him. Living 70 miles ahead. Hoo boy this is gonna be a long trip
[Title Card: 70 painstakingly long miles of driving later]
[Muriel finally stops the car where Brady lives]
MURIEL: This is it. The moment of truth. And revenge.
[She rings his doorbell]
[Brady opens the door. Muriel lays a package on the rug and quickly hides in a bush]
BRADY: Um, hello? [looks at package] Looks like the Picon I ordered. Finally! [opens package to see a rabid Walter inside]
[Walter jumps out, making frothing noises]
BRADY: [screams at the top of his lungs] AAAAAAAHHHH! A crazy person!
[He runs into his car and drives away]
WALTER: [giggles] I knew I could scare him.
[Muriel pops out of the bushes]
MURIEL: I knew you could help.
WALTER: [laughs] No charge, m’lady.
(cut to Shicowa over at the post office. He quickly sends in the letter sent to the President, then he leaves)
(cut back to the retirement home)
SHICOWA: (sarcastically) Did you change the world?
KRABS: Not just yet.
SHICOWA: Welp, too bad. Guess you won’t become famous.
KRABS: Not just yet, Mark! We need patience.
BETTY: From past things you’ve done, I’d say you’re the opposite of patient.
KRABS: Shut up, Betty! Anyway, I say we wait for something to happen.
SHICOWA: Like that’ll happen.
KRABS: Just wait. Hold on, I gotta use the bathroom. (exits room)
BETTY: I say we make a fake news segment so he believes he actually did something.
SHICOWA: Genius! I knew old hags could do stuff!
[Time Card: One Week Later]
SHICOWA: Anything happen yet?
KRABS: Not yet.
SHICOWA: Face it, Eugene, nothing will happen.
BETTY: Wait! Look at the TV!
NEWS ANCHOR [SHICOWA]: Breaking news! Memory chips for the elderly will be available in stores today! These memory chips can be implanted into someone’s head in order to make them… uh…. Less… dumb?
[indistinct muttering]
NEWS ANCHOR [SHICOWA]: Oh, yeah. Anyways, this will change the world!
[Betty pauses]
BETTY: So what do you think?
KRABS: I TOLD YOU SO! (shakes his ass in front of Shicowa and Betty)
SHICOWA: Should we tell him?
BETTY: Definitely not. It’s better for him not to know.
SHICOWA: Agreed.
KRABS: I CHANGED THE WORLD! I’M A GAME CHANGER, WOO HOO! IN YOUR DAMN FACES, OLD HAGS! WOO-HOO!
SHICOWA: Isn’t the bleach in that cabinet over there?
BETTY: Walter drank it all.
SHICOWA: Uh oh. [Darts over to Walter’s room] Don’t drink the yellow bleach, Walter! It’ll get ya killed!
SALESMAN ON TV: Don’t drink bleach! Drink Drain Cleaner!
[Betty giggles, Scene fades to black as episode ends.]
Appearances
Trivia
- TBD.
| Season Two |
|---|
| Welcome Back, Plankton • Memory Chipped • My Little Phoney Showrunners: TheJasbre202 & FireMatch |