This article is rated C, meaning it contains content that may be inappropriate for users under the age of 13.
|Series||Livin' With The Squid|
|Airdate||July 20, 2016|
|Production company||Pineapple Entertainment|
|Story by||The Terrible Travis|
|Written by||The Terrible Travis|
|Title card by||The Terrible Travis|
|Previous Episode||The Lost Snail|
- Squidward Tentacles
- Steve Pavot
- Human Teenager
- Patrick Star (cameos)
- SpongeBob SquarePants
- Unnamed Gang Snail
- Slimey (cameos)
- Squilvia (cameos)
- Travis (mentioned)
- Tyce (mentioned)
- Jack HackWack (mentioned)
SpongeBob finds out that Gary is a member of a gang consisting of snails. Meanwhile, Steve Pavot arrives at Squidward's house in an attempt to cheer up a suicidal teenager.
SpongeBob had been wandering Bikini Bottom when suddenly he came across a dark alley. “Hm, an extremely dark alley located in one of the more dangerous parts of town. This seems like a good place to look!” he grinned, walking into the alley. The sponge’s eyes widened as he felt a figure creeping out behind him. He quickly turned around, gasping at the sight he saw before him. “G-Gary...?” SpongeBob stuttered.
Squidward once used to live in Bikini Bottom
With neighbors SpongeBob and Patrick
But then he had enough
He couldn't take them anymore
So he moved to Coral City
And well now let's just say
It couldn't have gotten any worse!
“Meow,” the snail said, crawling over to its’ former owner. “What the heck are you doing in a dark alley? This is the kind of place where people get raped!” SpongeBob warned. Suddenly, another figure arose from the shadows. “Gah! That must be the rapist!” SpongeBob gasped. “That’s me,” said the voice, the figure coming out from the shadows and revealing itself to be none other than Squilvia. “Squilvia? What are you doing in Bikini Bottom?” SpongeBob asked. “You know, just looking for people to f***. Of course, no one wanted to f*** me due to how ugly I am, so I traveled over to the dark alleys instead. You get a lot drunk unconscious people around here. Absolutely perfect for f***ing,” Squilvia explained.
“Isn’t that rape?” SpongeBob asked. “It sure is! Why, you wanna try it?” Squilvia offered. “No, I don’t want to try it! What I do want is for Travis is stop thinking that it’s okay to make jokes like this! Rape is no laughing matter!” SpongeBob screeched. “But you know what is a laughing matter?” Squilvia asked. “What?” SpongeBob said. “JackHackers,” she swiftly responded. “Well, I can’t deny that’s true. He is one of the dumber members of the wiki - not nearly as dumb as Travis though,” SpongeBob said.
Meanwhile, Squidward had been screaming his head off at a suicidal teenager. Sounds like something Tyce would do. At that moment, a purple and turquoise van suddenly crashed into the house, landing right on top of Squidward. The door sprung open, Steve Pavot stepping out of the vechicle. “Did I hear that someone was going to committ suicide?!” he exclaimed. “W-Well, actually I already did committ it...but these idiots brought me back to life…” the teenager whimpered.
“Is that so? Well, that’s great!” Steve grinned. “B-Because now I get a new chance in life?” the teenager asked, looking up at the adult. “Pft, no! I don’t care about that! This gives me a business oppurtunity! Listen kid, I can completely remove your suicidal feelings! I’ll make you happy once again!” Steve promised. “Really?!” the teenager asked, his facial expression beginning to turn into one of a smile. “Of course! Why, every suicidal person I’ve ever served has immediately turned happy afterwards!” Steve claimed.
Squidward soon managed to push the van off him, getting up from the ground and glaring at Steve. “Pft, that is so not true! When you came to help me, you just made things worse! In fact, I actually ended up comitting suicide! The only reason I’m still alive is because of Sandy’s stupid plot device!” Squidward countered. “Well, you don’t count as a person,” Steve said.
“So what are you doing hanging around here again? It’s kind of creepy,” SpongeBob asked his pet. “Meow,” Gary said. “...You’re part of a gang? Pft, that’s a good one, Gary! I know Travis is a bad writer and all, but he’s not bad enough to put something that stupid into one of his episodes,” SpongeBob said, waving the possibility off. However, suddenly a group of snail wearing leather jackets, tapping their eye stalks together to resemble the sound of thumb snapping, slithered out of the darkness and towards the two. “...He really is that bad of a writer,” SpongeBob gasped.
“Yo, Gary. Who’s this damn fool and what’s he doing in our turf?” one of the snails asked. “Oh, coolz it, macho man boi. Dis guy’s coolio moolio, he’s mah formah ownah, SpongeBob SquarePants,” Gary explained. “Yo, yo, yo Gars. That sounds like a super lame-o name. And didn’t ya say he cared more bout’ some stupid Mermaid Milf and Barnacle Bitch porno than ya?” the other snail asked.
“Ain’t no lamer than Davebrayfbu. And it was a Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy paddleball game, not a porno. Though admitedly a porno would be pretty neat to see. I’ve always been into older men. Whenever SpongeBob’s parents would visit for a few days, I would always watch his dad in the shower. Man, I swear, just lookin’ at at the guy would send me straight to orgasm,” Gary commented. “So, that’s why I kept finding snail slime on the bathroom floor…” SpongeBob realized.
“I’m telling you right now, Steve Pavot, you need to just freakin’ shut up right now!” Squidward shouted in an extremely high-pitched voice. “Gah!” Steve whimpered, quickly covering his ears. “Your voice is even higher than Travis’!” he exclaimed. “My dick is also higher than Travis’”, Squidward claimed. “Pft, this thing is barely high at all. I mean just look at it!” Steve refuted, grabbing ahold of Squidward’s nose.
“How many times do I have to tell you?! That’s my nose, not my dick!” Squidward shouted. “You sure? I mean, it’s veiny like a dick. It’s even got hairs like a dick!” Steve said, pointing his fin towards Squidward’s nostril hairs. “Well, it’s not a dick!” Squidward shouted. “I can tell you something that is a dick though,” Steve said. “What?” Squidward asked. “Tyce,” Steve answered.
“Hey, SpoonBitch SquarePenis or whatever your name was, would ya like to join our little gang?” one of the snails offered. “Ah, hell no, son! That sounds like some real cray cray bullshit right there!” SpongeBob denied. “Well, you want to know what else is some real cray cray bullshit?” the snail asked. “What?” SpongeBob asked. “The fact that Travis wastes his time writing this bullshit instead of actually doing something productive with his life. I mean, why doesn’t he get a girlfriend or something?” the snail asked.
“I think he’s gay,” SpongeBob said. “So then why doesn’t he get a boyfriend?” the snail asked. “Well, actually he’s in relationships with a lot of guys right now. It’s just that they’re all against the other party’s will,” SpongeBob stated. “Against the other party’s will, huh? That’s how I like it, alright,” the snail said. “That’s how I like it too!” Squilvia grinned. “Oh, really? Why don’t we f*** right this instant then?” the snail asked. “Why sure!” Squilvia grinned, ripping off all her clothes and sliding into the snail’s shell. “OH! OH! OOOOOOOHHHHHH YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH! VIOLATE ME HARD SQUILVIA!” the snail moaned.
SpongeBob and the other snail, Slimey, stared at the scene - blank expressions on their faces. “So, what’s your sensitive spot like?” Slimey asked, glancing up at the sea sponge. SpongeBob’s eyes widened at this.
“So, kid. What’s depressing you in life? Is it perhaps that you’re a social reject that spends all their time writing sexually deviant My Little Sea Pony: Imagination Is Coolio Moolio fanfiction?” Steve asked. “Actually, it’s SpongeBob who does stuff like that,” Squidward pointed out. “Did I give you permission to speak?” Steve asked. “This is my house!” Squidward pointed out. Suddenly, Flo Rida’s My House began playing in the background. Welcome to my house, baby take control now. We can’t even go slow. We don’t have to go…
The three glanced over towards Patrick, who had been playing the song on his yPhone. “Oh, sorry about that. Didn’t mean to interupt your badly written argument. I’ll put my ear buds in,” Patrick said, taking out two earbuds and placing them into his ears, the music stopping. “Wireless,” he bragged. Steve blinked, quickly turning his attention back to Squidward and glaring at him. “Why, I oughta…” he growled, walking towards Squidward. “GAH! I-I’m sorry, Daddy Steve! Please don’t hurt me!” Squidward whimpered, stepping back and falling onto the couch.
“Oh, I’ll hurt you alright...I’ll hurt you REAL GOOD…” Steve growled, taking out a machete that had several white stains on it. “Um...shouldn’t the stains be red?” Squidward asked. “No,” Steve smirked, quickly shoving the knife up Squidward’s asshole. “AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!” Squidward screamed. “My god, Steve! You did it again! You freakin’ did it again! Last time you stabbed my asshole, now you’re freakin’ did again!” Squidward ranted in a high-pitched voice. “Stabbing people’s assholes is my kink,” Steve explained.
“That’s a pretty weird kink,” Squidward said, crossing his arms. “YOU TRYNA KINK SHAME ME BOI?! I DON’T THINK SO!” Steve said, thrusting the knife in and out of Squidward’s asshole. “”AAAAAHHHHH!!!! OOOOOHHHHHHH GGGGGGOOOOOODDDDD!!!!” Squidward. “AH! AH! AH...Oh…” he began to moan. “Y-You know, at first it hurts, but after you get thrusted in a few times, it actually feels really good,” Squidward commented.
“I’m glad to hear that, baby,” Steve said, taking his fin and grabbing ahold of Squidward’s nose with it, slowly beginning to stroke it. “That’s the stuff…” Squidward grinned, his nose beginning to harden. Steve smirked, quickening up the pace. “GAH! Steve! I’m gonna- I’m gonna!” Squidward exclaimed, ink quickly pouring out of his body and onto the floor. “That’s a good boy!” Steve grinned.
The teenager simply stared at the scene, an extremely disturbed expression resting on his face. He reached into his pocket, taking out a gun and promptly shooting himself. “Selfie!” Patrick grinned, holding out his phone in front of him and taking a picture of himself with the dead body.